1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks--he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can't learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he's doing these five tricks with real magic. It's not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He's legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that--for some reason--every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and--most notably--a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
6. At long last, someone invents "the dream VCR." This machine allows you to tape an entire evening's worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device of you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don't agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson's gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely about the film's "deeper philosophy."
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commerical success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likliehood of you reading this book?
10. This is the opening line of Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City: "You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning." Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you've read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart's Little Queen album (assuming you own it). Listen to the opening riff to "Barracuda."
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that--somewhere--your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
12. You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, "I will now make them a dollar more attractive." He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But--somehow--this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though--you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.
What do you talk about?
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can't talk and they can't write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
15. You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
16. Someone builds and optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian Football League, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that—for some unknown reason—you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He is a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will reexperience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned form having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating the office gossip mill, and both involve you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
23. Consider this possibility:
a. Think about deceased TV star John Ritter.
b. Now, pretend Ritter had never become famous. Pretend he was never affected by the trappings of fame, and try to imagine what his personality would have been like.
c. Now, imagine that this person—the unfamous John Ritter—is a character in a situation comedy.
d. Now, you are also a character in this sitcom, and the unfamous John Ritter character is your sitcom father.
e. However, this sitcom is actually your real life. In other words, you are living inside a sitcom: Everything about our life is a construction, featuring the unfamous John Ritter playing himself (in the role of your TV father). But this is not a sitcom. This is your real life.
How would you feel about this?
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
oh, dear.
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I haven't written a blog in forever because I haven't known what to say.
But from collected thoughts, I have figured out that the Breakfast Club was completely right when the line, "As you get older, your heart dies" was said. The line is seemingly over-dramatic, but true. I used to see myself in a way that I was completely sure and there was no black and white, but now I'm a complete wall of gray. I once believed whole-heartedly in things like love and personal moral standards, but everything had flipped and contradicting desires overpowered me.
Trust is for no one but myself. I don't want real relationships with people when I have distractions from emotions. Writing, even typing this blog pulls at me in an uncomfortable manner that leaves be feeling alienated from my grounded level. What matters to me now and where am I going? I used to know exactly what I was going to do, but now I have no idea. This is a typical but deeply troubling problem to most, but when it's you it isn't any easier.
My insides are turning gray and my simplest emotions are completely abandoning me now.
I wish I had hope like normal teenage girls, to chase boys, fall in love, get hurt and start over again. But I don't want to take the risk anymore, and everyone's a risk. But I don't want this wall.
I'm an indecisive and highly impulsive person. This leads to trouble.
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sixteen
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I never ever imagined I'd ever be like this.
I miss how things used to be all the time, but I'm truly trying to just move on and stop caring. To stop getting that oozing squeeze in your heart when you remember something that once made you happy. I still have people and new things and events that make me happy, I just don't completely know what to do with myself though.
I live 80% in the future and 20% in the present.
The day I finally get out of here I will probably be lost because it's my ultimate goal.
I never thought I would feel this way about love and relationships. I'm completely dead to the over all hope of finding anyone as a teenager. A good friend of mine made me realize that no matter how nice of a person boys seem to be, there really isn't any kind of person at this age out there. So, why not continue how I'm doing things now?
16 Things I wish I told myself a long time ago:
1. Love is only going to hurt you eventually.
2. Keep a distance to everyone.
3. The whole truth isn't always worth telling.
4. Never try to help anyone with a matter unless they ask you up front, and if they do don't give advice you wouldn't take yourself.
5. Don't be afraid to try things in fear of failing.
6. In the end, everything will be okay.
7. Never trust the cops or any person in the judicial system.
8. The people you were truly good friends with always come back around some how.
9. Don't hesitate in being yourself.
10. Sluts and being a sexual human beings are 2 different things.
11. You will never fit in so make the best with what you have.
12. Don't let people bring you down from what you want.
13. Let yourself seriously fuck up sometimes.
14. You will have to hurt people.
15. Everything has a million different sides, but facts can only really matter.
16. Don't let what you love slip away
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Monday, January 4, 2010
Zolaika Scully Copeland/Winter Break
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Tomorrow school starts back up.. and I'm very unpleased.
Malaika and Zoe bought me the cutest rat in the world! Her name is Zolaika "Scully" Copeland. But this may all change considering my mom is furious and I'm no longer allowed in my house with an animal. Butttt I'll do all I can to keep her, considering I have no idea who I'd give her to.
Carson F-Word Fleishman has a kick-ass demo :) and it makes me super happy.
I know bad things are coming and I have to take them on while I'm strong. I've got my best friends and people that care, so I know I'll be alright in the end. Everything comes to an end, even if it is scary that it comes so close.
I don't really want help though considering its nearly impossible to explain. Everything makes so much more sense in my head.
made up with pearl
partied nonstop
watched the peach drop downtown
made new friends
and chilled with old ones.
I dont think I could have had a crazier or more fun winter break. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR
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Monday, December 21, 2009
Day Count
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Four days until Christmas. Four Days until Jazzy comes. Six days until Sarah comes.
My phone broke again, which is ridiculously frustrating considering the fact that I haven't had it very long. Bastard phone. My photography is slowly starting to happen again since I now have a external hard drive :) I just have no idea where to start.
I'm making things difficult for myself.
But at least I finished xmas shopping... even though I'm Jewish.
It's a dumb holiday.
I should really clean my room.
And I wish I never discovered *67 phone calls.
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Sunday, December 20, 2009
Vulture.
I speak in metaphors and I don't understand how someone doesn't understand: "I hate watches, because I hate time."
Time kills us. It degrades the seconds you felt were hours and the moments that meant more than an interval of time in a day. The grief you felt in an instant isn't good enough if it didn't last a decade. Time is irrelevant.
Time has made everyone around me fade. Like the photographs lining my shelves, my knowledge and awareness of my friends (even the best ones) have slipped through my fingers. Their knowledge of my life is gone, because I have made it so.
I'm not quite sure if it is positive or negative, but I know the emptiness is quite unbearable. And more photographs have been losing color than ever.
The one closest to me doesn't know 50% of me, which is more painful than words can define. And trying to explain doesn't work because people don't understand and can't understand, so why bother? I never wanted my therapist to know more about me than a best friend. Numbness just slaughters creativity and dulls the mind, hence why writing is only something I can do at 1 am. At a semiconscious state, I have learned more about myself and concepts I have wanted to define in an instant. My creative, emotional side isn't covered by levels of brain-padding. Padding and walls, padding and walls.
My choices have been questionable and I think psychologically I keep urging myself to destroy the good and run to what is damaging because it is my natural reaction. Maybe what's natural is to long for what is destructive because of the possibilities of the good you would scavenge. And if that's the case, I'm quite the vulture.
Time kills us. It degrades the seconds you felt were hours and the moments that meant more than an interval of time in a day. The grief you felt in an instant isn't good enough if it didn't last a decade. Time is irrelevant.
Time has made everyone around me fade. Like the photographs lining my shelves, my knowledge and awareness of my friends (even the best ones) have slipped through my fingers. Their knowledge of my life is gone, because I have made it so.
I'm not quite sure if it is positive or negative, but I know the emptiness is quite unbearable. And more photographs have been losing color than ever.
The one closest to me doesn't know 50% of me, which is more painful than words can define. And trying to explain doesn't work because people don't understand and can't understand, so why bother? I never wanted my therapist to know more about me than a best friend. Numbness just slaughters creativity and dulls the mind, hence why writing is only something I can do at 1 am. At a semiconscious state, I have learned more about myself and concepts I have wanted to define in an instant. My creative, emotional side isn't covered by levels of brain-padding. Padding and walls, padding and walls.
My choices have been questionable and I think psychologically I keep urging myself to destroy the good and run to what is damaging because it is my natural reaction. Maybe what's natural is to long for what is destructive because of the possibilities of the good you would scavenge. And if that's the case, I'm quite the vulture.
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