The-rapist

My thoughts are starting to decay again, and I fear I'm boring myself.
I need a change of surroundings and repetitive situations.
All I'm doing is getting angrier with myself that I'm human. I am tired of being human.

Every day I learn how dead this place is and how people aren't as there as you want them to be. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be there when I barely am. I have so many secrets that I wish I could just tell a random stranger so that they could give me advice and I would never have to see or hear from them again.

The world gets more stressful, so we become more selfish.
I have always believed we live to survive and there is no plan. I just wish that wasn't it. But, this belief is engraved in me, like beliefs are. Beliefs are the destruction of civilization.

Love is a experience I wish I never felt. It crushes me until I can taste oil and tar in the back of my throat, knowing that things are so fragile. If a person had a chance and let it slip, could they hold on again with more force a second time? I had a close friend tell me advice her grandmother told her, "Never love a boy more than they love you." I completely understand it now. If I had another opportunity, would I still say "no" because no one could love him and much as I do? So, thus, I wouldn't believe that he could give what he received from me? Even if he didn't feel the same, I wouldn't let it get in the way. And it's not like things would change. My heart comes second, friendship first.