sleeping lessons

Lately, things have poured down in my mind that I pushed so far away in there I told myself they didn't exist back there. And I believed it.
Because of realization, all I can do is figuartively pull out my hair and scream until my ears ring.

When did simple concepts in life become so complicated?

Feeling just gets us all hurt in the first place, so I wish I didn't feel at all. Complications. Timing. Future. Past. All of those things are always in the way. I have to fight myself. I have to lock it up, and never find the key. Tell those I trust but know it will go no further. I get over such things swimming in my mind by pouring them into the sea. I lied to myself, believing it could truely disappear- tried it, but doesnt work.

I think to myself:
Dream over it.
Cry over it.
Talk over it.
But, you can never make it happen.

and the hope that is still there still burns with the same intensity as the first time I realized such things.

Why is it that your heart litterally hurts when your sad? After all, you can't cry with your heart or scream with your heart. It pumps blood, and your blood holds no emotion. So, why does your heart hurt?

I want to scream it, watch the turn of events, then take it back right after.
I cant.
I cant.
I cant.
So why do I?
Why do I bother?
It could ruin everything.
Yet I still let myself hope.