Things have been better, don't get me wrong. I've gotten less serious, which seems best to make me happier. I sometimes miss the feeling of thinking my perfect person was out there and i'd have a person who did want anything but me and i'd only want them, and not even notice other people. Growing up shuts my mind down so that I don't have to deal with real pain. I wish I could endure it to really grasp and analyze my thoughts again and creating art with it. I have too much self awareness to be anything but realistic with dark humor. The foundation of my thoughts aren't made upon conceptual metaphors and similes anymore. I usually feel like I'm just trying to survive half the time. I don't know what is wrong with me. I used to be a really emotional person, in positive and negative ways, but now I just feel sublime. I'm not happy, sad, etc. but just completely zoned out all the time about nothing.
My writing disappoints me so much that I fail to have the desire to write. My spelling has gotten worse, along with my grammar and style. I feel like I don't have what I used to have and it has made me put down the pen more than once. Just writing blogs feels like I have lost a great deal of strength.
I don't think I believe in true love anymore. I think this has a huge impact on my writing. My very fuel was passion for things that had belief in the one emotion I always wanted to obtain. I'm too fatalistic. The very fibers of my brain have been deteriorating from what I thought I knew. I really hope I'm wrong.
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