New World.

I don't feel different, but at the same time so much is changed. I keep going into a random panic and wonder things that are embarrassing to just say out loud. I hate having swarming questions that seem needy or nosy. Even worse, I wish I could ask people that are older without giving myself away.

I can't believe I actually feel the way that I do. I honestly want to voice it, but I'm scared as the words leave my mouth that they will fade or explode in my face. I also don't want kind dishonesty- quite the oxymoron.

I miss jazzy since I haven't seen her in a week, even though she's so close. Hopefully I will see her soon.

I know I crushed a guy I didn't take very seriously. I knew my heart was taken by someone who wasn't aware it was theirs, but I wanted fun. I thought he was everyone else, but he is a really great person who deserves more than my shit. I now can say that this is how I want things and I'm happy, but I want him to be too. I don't understand how I've changed, but I wish I could go back to the trusting and warm me. The hopeless romantic that didn't care about the rest of the world. I know how I feel, but the timing is all fucked. I feel like a moron for ever saying anything about love, because I obviously closed my eyes and walked onto disguised ground and fell through.

My writing sucks, I need to figure my shit out.